How is it November 2021 and no one told me? Just kidding! But doesn't it feel that way?
I sit here in the kitchen of an amazing home writing this trying to reflect on the last year without getting lost.
Actually, my idea for this blog was inspired by my 'state' yesterday. As I stood slightly jiving to the BeeGees with one tit hanging out of my £5 shit-show of a bra, eating a crabstick; I thought to myself 'Is this what my life is, is this how far I've come this year?'
Then I began to remember the big talk that I said with myself months prior. 'You're going to have $40,000 in your savings by Christmas! You'll be so successful that you won't need to worry about the small things.... You will be 3.5 stone lighter! You will be stronger and happier and more at ease.' Well, I'm pleased to say that some of this is true. Looking at the holes in the crotch of my leggings some of it did not come to fruition. And for the cheap sods around me, I most definitely did not get to $40,000 - YET.
Getting back to the point, did I achieve the big things? Some of them. Did I achieve the small things? Not all of them. Am I happy as fuck? 100%. I've never been more at peace with myself in my life. I've never been more secure in my mind than I am now. Yes, I am frustrated that the aspirations that I rammed down my own throat and thrusted onto diary pages did not all come to life - but I am happy. What else matters.
In fact, today while I was working I had 'Do they know it's Christmas' blasting and I had to stop myself from sobbing on multiple occasions. This was not just because the song although lovely makes me feel like a giant, white, shitbag but because I am so happy to be here. I am so happy to have my life and to have my family nearby and to be home.
This isn't a boastful post but a post of honesty, humour and life. The pandemic is one thing, life is another. There is no doubt that over the past few years the world and those around us have been tested beyond belief, but as we slowly creep out of the tunnel and back into the swarm of life - I am happy to say that I am here and life is what I am ready to do, enjoy and live.
I wish you all nothing but luck, success, confidence, love and better bras and fake seafood sticks from this day forward.
Anna - The Newcastle Doula - Birth with You