How are we 26 days into 2022? Although by the look of nearly everyone's social media accounts supposedly January is 100 days long. I guess I missed that memo.
With a new moon or crescent or jaffa cake whatever you wanna call it, popping up last week and the realities of life swirling around this week - I feel Overwhelmed with the biggest capital O!
There's nothing better than seeing people succeed - especially people you love. There's nothing more satisfying than seeing people make big moves in their lives and embark on new journeys or be at peace with their choices. I can see the people close to me starting to pave the driveways to their next journeys and as much as I am at peace with where and who I am right now - I do feel like I am gasping for air as their worlds flourish and solidify and my world is still, very much the same as 6 months ago.
Not at all trying to sound jealous or not happy for them - I want the best for everyone, especially the people I love but as I see plans of moving, houses being sold and rented and renovated and topsy-turvyed here and there - I am sat feeling very much out of place right now.
Think it's time to head back to the psychologist but no shame in that game. I guess this is who I am and how I react in some cases. I am standing on the platform and watching the people I love all in one carriage shooting off. Dramatic as it may sound - it feels like that in my throat but in my heart, there is so much happiness for them all. It may be an internal tug-of-war or not a high enough dose of meds!
I suppose I am here writing because I don't feel it's right to bring those thoughts and feelings out into the energy - particularly when I share space and energies with so many others. I also think it's healthy to express that sometimes, in reality, we can be so pleased and happy for people but also start to feel like we're not doing enough or running at the same pace as what feels like the rest of the herd is.
At the end of the day, I am grateful and pleased for my herd, my pod, my pack, my people - but I am feeling all the feelings this week and last week and maybe next week too. That's okay, feel it, process it, talk it out, write it out and hope to goodness that my brain will move onto the next target.
Stay safe and stay well for the rest of this Winter-Spring time. You are all amazing and doing the best you can.