Fear vs Birth
Updated: Dec 18, 2018
Hey Mamma's, for those of you reading we are going to discuss some of the common fears associated with birth. Everyone is different, what seems "normal"/"natural" to some may be terrifying for others. Now this post isn't here for creating/confirming fears, the post is here to address some of the worries that some mothers feel leading up to their births and to remind them that although some things and moments might be out of our hands; you are 100% capable and you are going to be okay.
1. The pain.
Let's not kid ourselves and act like labour doesn't have some "discomfort" to put it lightly. Although this pain may vary from mother to mother; I have been assured that it's still there no mater what time or type it shows up as. Unsurprisingly, learning about babies and giving birth always came with the connotation that this unbelievable pain and torture was going to come with birth; this could be true for some mothers, but not all. So from a young age we are told that birth is excruciating and will be difficult. They don't call it labour for nothing, but that doesn't mean all your birth experiences are going to be the nightmares that have been implanted in your brains from other mothers, relatives, friends or even tv shows. Pain is something we will all endure at some point in our lives whether its physical, mental or both; either way you can get through it, and you have been getting through it. This no different with labour; you must remember the pain you feel during those contractions and moments of giving birth are temporary and all feelings that you will overcome.
There's no relaxing way to put it; sometimes when giving birth if your baby comes out too quickly or your baby is a bit big; you can tear. From what I've heard you don't necessarily feel the tear in the moment purely because you're either pushing hard or the baby is coming/has come out. Tears can happen to different degrees (1,2,3 and 4) and in various directions; either way they can be quite painful after birth. Depending on the degree of your tear sometimes you won't need stitches and are able to heal by yourself naturally. Speaking of naturally, I've heard that tearing naturally (meaning by accident) can be much "better" as your body will know how to heal you back into a natural formation/shape. Sometimes if we need help during birth and are given episiotomies (a cut to your vaginal wall and perineum) these can take longer to heal as the incisions are made by scissors and when doing the procedure, sometimes if it's an emergency/everything is a bit rushed this doesn't leave much room to take into account all the nerve endings and proper direction. Naturally tearing or needing assistance can be nerve wracking for mothers, as you can't really imagine what that would be like/feel like; don't feel afraid to speak about these worries with your GP/Midwife or doula, so that you can all work together to help build up your confidence and destress yourself. All I can say is that if this does happen to you; remember these are processes we can heal from and whether its minor or major; it's temporary and fixable in time.
3. Not being heard
Giving birth can be a contrasting miracle for many mothers; some feel empowered, some feel pain then immediate love, some feel shell shocked, some may be entirely overwhelmed and some may be all of the above. As times are changing and technology is taking over our world; a lot of new medical developments and medicines have been introduced into the birthing world over time. For those of you who want specific births (like no intervention, only necessary monitoring, no drugs ect..) it can be difficult to advocate for yourself when you're in the midst of labour. A lot of mothers have reflected on their births and felt slightly let down and disappointed as they felt like they weren't taken seriously/pressured or not heard by the professionals. This is why it is important to have someone in your corner while giving birth; whether it's your partner, a family member or friend or a doula. Having someone who can stand up strong for you and fight for your wishes and rights during labour is very important, because you yourself might be a bit busy. Discussing your ideal birth and wishes with your doctor/midwife is obviously vital, because then hopefully you will all be on the same page when the moment arises. With the right support system and wishes/requests and ideas that have been thoroughly talked through with those relevant to you and your birth; you should be more comfortable knowing that those around you understand and respect your desires.
Never forget that this is your birth, your baby and these are you choices. You have the right to be heard and respected.
Disclaimer: I am not a physician/clinically qualified; these are my opinions and research I have done.
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