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Sex after babies and childbirth

Updated: Aug 25, 2019

Not that sex is the first thing most women are dying for after pushing out a baby; but it is still important and in all honesty most women would probably have thought about it or winced about it at some point before/after the baby has come/is coming. So I've decided to speak to some amazing mothers about what their thoughts and feelings were towards doing the deed after baby and how it went down... Not literally though; I assume that process doesn't need an explanation.

I wanted to keep it short and simple as we all know mothers are B U S Y. I asked four different questions to different friends of mine; with multiple children, with newborns, with older kids and from various countries: Singapore, America and Indonesia. The questions asked were:

1. How did you feel about having sex again after childbirth?

2. If you were nervous, why were you?

3. Was the sex as good as before you gave birth? Or worse?

4. Were you disappointed by the sex in anyway?

With regards to the first question there were all kinds of responses, such as:

"I wasn't feeling confident in myself"

"I was scared it was going to hurt, but I communicated with my husband along the way and it turned out fine."

"I think my husband enjoyed it more than me, because after being stitched up and healing; he said it felt more tight."

"It was 2 months after giving birth and it went as expected; fine. I was just so tired from taking care of the kids and the house so I wasn't as excited as my husband."

"To be honest, I haven't had sex again since childbirth. I am too exhausted and I have no sex drive at all."

"I was nervous and scared."

"I was afraid that something would happen to my stitches and that I would "rupture.""

Out of the ten women I asked these question to, only 4 said they felt nervous beforehand and mentioned these as some of their reasons why:

"I was nervous because it was like doing it for the first time again. Like when I lost my virginity type of thing."

"I was scared of getting hurt as my insides were still healing."

"I didn't think it was going to feel good - I mean after major trauma to the area it makes it kind of scary."

"I was afraid of getting pregnant again so soon."

When asked about whether this post birth sex was any good, we weren't disappointed by the results!

"It was exactly how it was before; lovely."

"As good as before the baby came."

"It was even better!"

"It's hard to recall, but I think I took awhile to enjoy it again as I had a lower sex drive from breastfeeding."

"It was good but painful at times."

"Exactly the same, except now we had to time it right."

We were happy to hear that none of our mothers felt disappointed by their sex after birth experiences; that may not be the case for all of you straight away. Give it some time and relax. Here is what some of our mothers said about disappointment:

"NOPE!! The sex was still satisfying."

"Everything was good."

"At first, but now it's the same and good!"

"As you mature, sex gets better anyway."

"I felt it was even better."

"No disappointment, just be patient though."

Every mother is different. Every birth is different. Every relationship is different.

Remember you and your body after birth may not be the same as other women/mothers. Give yourself a break and take time to feel safe, comfortable and at peace. Don't feel the pressure to be like someone else or wish for someone else's journey; because your birth and motherhood journey is just as significant and right.

*All details written here are of my own opinion and from research I have done independently. I am not a medically qualified personnel.*

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